My Beautiful Mess

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 10 years of marriage! Well, actually we are going to celebrate this weekend - my husband has “secret plans” for us while my boys go to Gamma and Buddy’s. But as I was thinking about our 10 years and how proud I was of this, I began thinking about what has been “the key” to our marriage - like if someone was to ask us how we make our marriage work, what would I say? Of course the answer is Christ, but what about Christ? With the divorce rate for believers being about the same as non-believers, I don’t feel like I can just say find Jesus and you’ll find a successful marriage.When you look through the scriptures, almost every reference (at least in the new testament) to marriage or husbands or wives or brides or grooms also includes descriptions of Jesus’ relationship to His people, The Church.

21Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.  22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 

25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 

When I read this Message version of Ephesians 5 today, it brought tears to my eyes - not only because I have the blessing of a husband who makes efforts to love me this way everyday, but also because Jesus loves me this way, everyday. The day of our wedding, dressed up in a fancy gown, surrounded by beautiful flowers in a beautiful church, I felt very special. And my husband frequently makes efforts to continue to make me feel special. But what if I made that his responsibility all the time? That in order to feel loved, he had to do something to make me feel special? As good as he is, he wouldn’t be able to do it - I would get let down a lot. But it isn’t his job anyway. To rely on anyone to make us feel loved or special or secure is just a set-up for disappointment.

But did you notice this part of the passage above?

His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.

Whether married or single or divorced or widowed, He has already chosen us as His beautiful bride! But do we really see ourselves like this? As unveiling hope said in a recent post, “It’s time to see our beauty and believe in it. We’re expected to be confident in who we are in Christ.” But yet we walk as defeated, beaten down beggars, desperately searching for someone or something to make us feel lovable, to make us feel better about ourselves. If God, in all of His perfection, likes you – is actually bustin’-at-the-seams-in-love with you – then why don’t we like ourselves?

I think I’ll stop there and see what you have to say (at least see what the 3 of  you who read this have to say!). But I’ve got another thought based on another passage….