Dad
I’ve been trying to tell a story - a story about my dad that began on October 29, 2008. I have found that harder to do than I anticipated. Remembering the details of those 3 weeks is something I am obviously not ready to do. Maybe, in time, I will go back and journal the specifics of some moments. But for now I will summarize, here in this post, about our loss. There are current day-to-day moments that are entrenched with emotions of loss and grief that I need to process on this blog. In order for those to make sense, I must tell you this part of the story….
Dad had surgery on November 5th, a surgery that was to take approximately 6 hours, if all went as planned. It didn’t go as planned. About 3 1/2 hours into the surgery, the surgeon found us all in the waiting room to tell us that Dad had stage IV pancreatic cancer - it had already spread to his liver and stomach. We were told there would be no recovery from this; treatment was not an option, and we were informed that Dad had 4-6 months to live.
Chemotherapy was discussed but only for what the medical world calls paliative care, that is to say that chemo might make his quality of life a little better and maybe a little longer. But the first priority was recovery from the surgery which left a 6-inch vertical incision down his gut.
Dad was in the hospital for a week, went home for not quite 2 days and was back in the hospital on November 13th, if I remember right. What I do remember right is that we received a call on Sunday November 16th that his kidneys were shutting down, and we drove back to Texas. We were not to have the 4-6 months the surgeon had spoke of. Dad died on November 19, 2008 at the age of 61.
I am thankful we were with him those final days. I am thankful he did not have to endure difficult treatment or months of pain. I am thankful that he is completely healed now and spending eternity with The Almighty. But I am sad. Very, very sad. He was a precious Daddy and Papa. I miss him terribly. I know that with time, it will not hurt so much. But I am also aware that life from now on will have a hole. I have many stories - because life with Dad was never dull! He was quite a character. You would’ve liked him…most folks did. And me, well, I loved him. And I still do.
January 3rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Jenn, you’re gratitude still astounds me. That you are able to be sooo thankful during a time when there are still days you feel “entrenched” in grief. Do you really comprehend how many lives you are affecting and encouraging with your GR-ATTITUDE? I thank God for you. Some how, I can see Him looking down at you and saying, “I wish more people could love me the way she does.” You are truly an inspiration. I have never lost anyone I loved, but I know that one day - with certainty - I will. And I will remember back to your posts, the sharing and exposing of your raw heart, but most of all, I will remember how grateful you were when you were hurting. “This is how they will know you are my disciples.” Love Hope
January 3rd, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Jenn, I am so so sorry about the loss of your dad. I know some days may be harder than others. May the Lord continue to give you strength in the days ahead and comfort you when you need to be comforted. You are amazing. Again, I am so so sorry. Blessings to you. steph
January 4th, 2009 at 1:09 am
[...] about you at all. I’m mentioning this because I went and looked at Jenn’s blog, and her most recent post is about very personal grief. I can’t comment. I can’t ignore it. I don’t know what to do. So [...]