My Beautiful Mess

Sometimes, I come home after facilitating one of my parenting groups at the non-profit where I work (part-time), completely drained. Sometimes it takes all I have to not break down and sob for my clients. Sometimes I do sob for my clients. Sometimes it is hard to merge the goodness I see daily in my own personal life with the darkness my clients see daily in their personal lives. Sometimes I want to shake my clients and scream “What were you thinking???!!” Sometimes they completely amaze me. Sometimes they get it. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I want to rescue them. Sometimes I want to slap them silly. Sometimes their pain burdens me deeply.

Not everyday do I feel this way….but I do sometimes….

But never do I stop and ask “Why am I doing this kind of work?” Never. I never doubt that I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing. This is my part, my part in the work of The Kingdom. Sometimes I don’t feel capable of doing this work, but never do I question why I continue to do it. But sometimes, like tonight, I just want to lay down on my bed and lay their pain down at His feet. Sometimes I intercede in prayer…but at all times, He is there - for me and for them.