Enough
I felt it coming last Monday when the air-conditioning-fix-it man quoted us how much it would cost to fix our a/c. It started with that figure and quickly oozed its way through out my being. It reminded me how hard we have been working at getting rid of our credit card debt and how paying for this repair would bring our debt amount close to where it originally was. It reminded me how I want to take the kids on a vacation and how we probably won’t be able to do a big trip yet again. It reminded me that I want a bigger house and how far into the future that will likely be.
It is my “demon” of “I will never have enough.”
It has haunted me most of my adult life. While I have experienced freedom in other areas of my life over the years, this is one area that my spiritual enemy seems to win at constantly…a lot. I quickly decide that, though God has provided for us over and over again, I just don’t have enough. And I say things like “I guess we are just one of those families that will never have much money.” Or like I told a friend on Saturday, “I just get so tired of worry about finances.” I let expenses like fixing the a/c quickly cloud over ways God has blessed us…a lot.
Fortunately, He is helping me become aware of my negative thought patterns more quickly than I have in my past. He isn’t allowing me to wallow in the muck and the mire as long because I am sure He is sick of it - and so am I, for that matter! So my pity-party began to disintegrate on Saturday - with a Disney movie, of all things! Our family went to see “Up” (at the cheap matinee at Tinseltown, btw!). I highly recommend it. Without giving too much away, the movie basically speaks about things being just things, and about how sometimes you have to let go of certain things to form a new way of life and new relationships.
Sunday community at Skyline basically continued to seep this theme into my being. We are working through the book of Luke. The message was on the temptation of Jesus and then looking at what the enemy uses to tempt each of us. Good grief! Really, God??? I was just settling in with a cold drink and my own balloon here at my precious pity-party and you come along pop it! 
The worship leader told a story - which I don’t remember all of the details - about how 2 friends where on a third friend’s yacht. And one of them says to the other, “Can you imagine having this much money?” The other friend replies. “No, but I have something he will never have…enough.”
“So, my dear children, don’t let anyone divert you from the truth. It’s the person who acts right who is right, just as we see it lived out in our righteous Messiah. Those who make a practice of sin are straight from the Devil, the pioneer in the practice of sin. The Son of God entered the scene to abolish the Devil’s ways.”
1 John 3:7-8 from The Message
So enough is enough!
I have more than enough.
“My grace is enough; it’s all you need.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
June 8th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Thanks Jenn! Just what I needed after this weekend!
June 8th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Get out of my head; those are private thoughts.
Wants and needs. I gotta stop “needing” everything I want. Honestly though - I can so without a doubt - I have everything I need and everything that matters. Everything that is most important to me, I get to take with me (family and friends). Everything just makes life a little simpler. We need to start believing that others are looking at us as one of “those” families they think has everything.
June 8th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
We think alike, Jenn. I have had those same exact feelings and inner battles. Oh please, Lord, help me remember that I too have enough. Thanks for this post! =)
June 9th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
The most dangerous thing about practicing sin is not only do you get better at it, but the better you get, the harder it is to break the habit. Funny thing about money is how little it can mean. I had to call a plumber today. I didn’t have much choice. The back yard was turning into an open air cess pool. I handed him the credit card and paid it without even blinking. We’re debt free. We’ve worked at that. But it’s like any other goal. Once you’ve achieved it, what’s next? The “goal” can be just as bad a habit as any other.
June 11th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
oh I can so relate to this story!
2 summers ago- we were plugging away- working on getting rid of our debt. We had been working hard. I mean really hard- the whole family. Our air conditioner went out- like really bad. The total? Almost to the penny what our remaining debt was. We had to fix the air. It was so depressing, and made me so angry- that the feeling stays with me to avoid purposeful debt. We used our emergency fund, rebuilt it back up, had other medical debt come into play, but finally got all the debt paid off. Now truth be told, we get slammed every year with our medical, and have to work hard at paying it off. But- charging things on purpose, or spending more than we have- oh that feeling stays with me- I don’t want to be in that place again! Learning what our needs and our wants are, is a difficult thing. Its never ending I am finding out! Hang in there- really. Use this experience for your good. You will make it through it. Enough indeed!
June 21st, 2009 at 8:57 pm
One of your most wonderful attributes is your willingness to be so open and honest about your struggles, and as we’ve discussed numerous times, I can and do relate to them. hmmmm maybe we are related?? And as mothers, all we both need to do is just look at our children (no matter what their ages) to see that we do, indeed, have more than enough. And our wonderful Father just gives us more and more!! Love you very much!! Mom