My dad and I had a conversation last summer, before he ever got sick, during which he informed me that it was his desire to be cremated once he died. Not ever having had to face such an issue before, I felt at that time that this was an individual decision - if Dad wanted to be cremated, that was his choice and therefore, okay with me.

At the time of his funeral in November, I became very thankful for this decision. I don’t think I would have been able to see him in a coffin. And I believe I might have just totally lost it if I had had to watch that coffin being lowered into the ground.

As time has moved on, however, I have at times now wished I had a place to go “visit” Dad - a place to try to connect with him somehow. But this summer, it dawned on me - I have that place every time I step into my backyard. I love to garden, to work in the yard, to plant and work in the soil. This love has been passed on to me by my dad and was passed onto him by his mother (this love also comes from my mother and her grandmother). I have several very tangible connections growing in my yard every year, growing from seeds that I received from Dad.

One is my morning glories (I was wrong, Janet, I have morning glories not moon flowers!). They are just now starting to climb the trellis but will soon take over this entire space and produce pretty purple flowers every morning:

Also making a comeback every year is my hearty hisbiscus, which again, I grew from seeds from Dad - from his hibiscus. It too is getting ready to bloom:

This is what  I will soon see (pic from last summer):

Dad always grew a mass of sunflowers along one part of his fence on the side of his house. Frequently, my boys helped him plant his seeds when we would go visit and then they would get to see the fruits of their labor:

So last year, I planted a few seeds and got 3 big sunflowers. This year we have at least doubled the amount we planted and have started calling them our Papa flowers:

Another feature in my Dad’s yard that they boys loved was a flat birdfeeder he made himself. They helped him fill this feeder up everytime we went to visit:

Knowing how much that feeder meant to all of us, my precious husband made us one this winter for our yard. He found some wood scraps of my dad’s (he was also a woodworker) in his shop and made me this….I am so very, very grateful to have it:

So as I am out there watering, I think a lot about Dad. I think of the times growing up when we would wonder where Dad went, only to find him watering the plants outside. I think of how I would call him to ask him what was wrong with this plant or another in my yard. I think of all that he could have taught my boys about planting and growing things. And I think about how thankful I am for the seeds he has planted in our lives.

My dad and I did not always agree on a lot of things. Like..when I could date, why real flowers were a necessity at my wedding, or whom to vote for during basically any election. BUT, we could always agree that anyone looked good in orange - the orange of Oklahoma State University, that is. OSU has always been a huge part of our family. Dad graduated from there, Mom went there for 2 years, both of my uncles were there at some point, some of Dad’s cousins graduated from there…and the thing that pleased Dad the most? My brother and I are both OSU alums.

If the date at the bottom of the picture didn’t give my graduation year away, the big camera Dad is holding would!

Dad passed on the passion and perseverance that is only known by us Cowboy fans. Being a Cowboy fan in the state of Oklahoma takes a lot of dedication …and hope. That is why our second favorite college team will always be whoever is playing OU. Because if OSU looses a game, the weekend could always be redeemed if OU got beat as well! I know, I have serious issues. Some might call it an issue-of-which-I-should-talk-to-God-about…but I just call it loyalty. Plus I can’t stand that stupid Boomer Sooner song! (sorry to all of my Sooner friends).

Tonight is Bedlam Basketball. If Dad were here, we’d be calling each other before the game, at half time, and after the game. Right now, we’d be secretly asking each other “So do you think we can do it? Can we win?” Though we’d never let anyone else know that we ever wavered in our belief that we can! So in honor of Dad tonight…

GO POKES!!

I had a hard time starting the first grade. Being the first-born of a stay-at-home mom, I was not use to being gone all day from home. It was hard for me to make it through a full day at school without crying at some point. I would wake up and feel sick to my stomach and would hope that Mom would not make me go today. After a month or more of this, my parents started to really worry. It was Dad who came up with a plan that, I am assuming, he likely felt was a shot-in-the-dark. But it worked.

He gave me a silver dollar. He called it my magic coin. I was to keep it in my pocket and then hold it when I felt sad. It would make me not miss home so much. And by golly, that is exactly what it did. I took it to school everyday and eventually, I wasn’t so sad.

When Dad went in for his surgery on November 5, 2008, I decided to return the favor. I found two silver dollars, one from the year in which I was born and another from the year in which my brother was born. I took those to the hospital in Texas and gave them to Dad the morning of his surgery, hoping that he wouldn’t feel as scared if he had them. He looked at the coins, looked at me, and with tears in his eyes said, “You must be my daughter.” Behind him, his wife was pulling a purple bag out of her purse. Inside of it? Two coins. A Texas quarter and an Oklahoma quarter.

Oh, how tightly I held onto the coins during the surgery, during his two hospital stays, and during his memorial service. And now they sit on my night stand, reminding me that Dad is still waiting for me to come Home…

When we knew that Dad was not going to leave the hospital, when we knew that the pancreatic cancer was too advanced, my younger brother almost immediately felt that he wanted to speak at Dad’s service. I started to think about doing the same, but felt uncertain as to if I could. And then one morning, I woke up early and the words were just there. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew that I wanted to let people know that, at least for the 36 years I knew him, this was the kind of man Dad was. And it did feel good to stand in the front of the church (thank God for a huge, sturdy altar to lean against!), to look out at all of the faces of those who loved him, and to honor Dad with memories that are full of love and laughter and a legacy. Below are those words. I also plan to detail out some of those memories in later posts, creating a new category called Dad Memories, so that I can have them all in writing - for times when I need them….

Thank you so much for being here today with us to celebrate Daddy’s life. This place is full because there is no one who ever met Dad and didn’t like him. He made everyone feel comfortable and genuinely respected. Even if he ever made you mad, I’m bettin’ you still liked him! But I have to know, if he did make you mad, afterwards did he look at you and ask “Do you want to wrestle?” because he did that to me all the time and I hated it!

Since Daddy was such a good Daddy, the best kind, I have a few parenting tips that I think Dad would have wanted you to know, especially if you are a daddy with a daughter:

· When she is little and she can’t sleep, give her a nose rub. She’ll go right out.

· When she starts first grade and she is scared about staying there all day and she feels sick every time she has to go….give her a silver dollar and tell her it is her “magic coin” – when she holds it she won’t miss home so much and her tummy will feel better.

· When she has dance recitals – year after year after year after….Go! Neither of you will forget it.

· When she is in Girl Scouts and it is cookie sales time, take the order form to work and sell those suckers to EVERYONE! Your daughter just might win “Highest Cookie Sales” and you might just become an honorary card-carrying-Girl Scout, like Dad!

· When she is in junior high and she goes to the movies with her friends, when you go to pick her up, even though you know she sees you, honk the van anyway, just to be sure! This will make her really angry, but for some reason you’ll think it is sooo funny! (And then you can ask her if she wants to wrestle!)

· When she turns 16 and starts to drive, tell her things like “If you get a ticket, I get your keys.” And sound real serious about it. But when she gets her first ticket and hands you her keys, turn all soft and give her keys back.

· Starting very young, keep telling your daughter that Oklahoma State University is the best college around. Take her to lots of games, and you just might brainwash her into going there – and believing that it is the best college around!

· When she is getting married, complain about the amount of money this is costing you, but then cry when you walk her down the aisle. And even though you are quite certain that her new husband will never be able to care for her like you do, love him like a son anyway.

· When she starts to have kids and she goes into labor, be at the hospital – bring her beautiful roses from Sam’s and be sure to bring a fishing pole for your grandsons. Neither of you will forget this either.

· And when your family goes through hard times, keep telling your daughter that you love her. Give her lots of grace and keep asking “what can I do?” even though there might not be anything you can do.

I have two boys, Drew age 5 and Cooper age 7, and I asked them what they liked doing with their Papa. They talked about planting sunflower seeds, feeding the birds outside and the fish in his 3 aquariums, and spending the 4^th of July with him this summer. I asked them how they would describe Papa – and after talking about what the word “describe” means, they settled on “funny – Papa was funny.”

So maybe I could have just told you this: LOVE! Love your family, love your friends, love God, love life. That is what Daddy did. He sowed seeds of love wherever he went. I am a part of the legacy of that love and if you knew him, so are you.

During the past week, some people have said, “Jenn, I am sure you are asking “Why?” right now?” But actually I am not. I don’t need to know why. And though I may feel that all of this is really unfair and may feel a little cheated, there are a few things I have come to believe thus far in my life –

God is very, very big…..He is very, very good….and He loves us very, very much.

I read this in Proverbs 3 this week and thought “this says so much about my dad and so my about my Lord.” So I leave with this from The Message:

Don’t lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
in God’s eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God!