My Beautiful Mess

This day started with this:
“This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Somewhere in the middle, came this:

“Love other people as well as you do yourself. You can’t go wrong when you love others. When you add up everything in the law code, the sum total is love.” Romans 13:8

Also came the understanding that I am who I am for a reason, for His purpose. My passions and giftings are needed. I no longer want to feel bad about that nor do I want to defend it. Doubts still tend to come, but not until recently have I felt the freedom to be completely who I am without regret. I’m sure this sounds like a dramatization but, on this day, for me it is a realization.

A new chapter in my life is on the horizon. A clear picture is not yet available. And sometimes in the waiting comes the doubts. Blessedly, I have people who believe in me. They encourage me to see the possibilities, to believe in my worth. More than that, I have the dawning of the truth that my worth lies in being His creation.

And so on this day, the sun sets with this:

^16-20Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you. (1 Corinthians 5, from The Message)

And physically appeared like this:

When we knew that Dad was not going to leave the hospital, when we knew that the pancreatic cancer was too advanced, my younger brother almost immediately felt that he wanted to speak at Dad’s service. I started to think about doing the same, but felt uncertain as to if I could. And then one morning, I woke up early and the words were just there. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew that I wanted to let people know that, at least for the 36 years I knew him, this was the kind of man Dad was. And it did feel good to stand in the front of the church (thank God for a huge, sturdy altar to lean against!), to look out at all of the faces of those who loved him, and to honor Dad with memories that are full of love and laughter and a legacy. Below are those words. I also plan to detail out some of those memories in later posts, creating a new category called Dad Memories, so that I can have them all in writing - for times when I need them….

Thank you so much for being here today with us to celebrate Daddy’s life. This place is full because there is no one who ever met Dad and didn’t like him. He made everyone feel comfortable and genuinely respected. Even if he ever made you mad, I’m bettin’ you still liked him! But I have to know, if he did make you mad, afterwards did he look at you and ask “Do you want to wrestle?” because he did that to me all the time and I hated it!

Since Daddy was such a good Daddy, the best kind, I have a few parenting tips that I think Dad would have wanted you to know, especially if you are a daddy with a daughter:

· When she is little and she can’t sleep, give her a nose rub. She’ll go right out.

· When she starts first grade and she is scared about staying there all day and she feels sick every time she has to go….give her a silver dollar and tell her it is her “magic coin” – when she holds it she won’t miss home so much and her tummy will feel better.

· When she has dance recitals – year after year after year after….Go! Neither of you will forget it.

· When she is in Girl Scouts and it is cookie sales time, take the order form to work and sell those suckers to EVERYONE! Your daughter just might win “Highest Cookie Sales” and you might just become an honorary card-carrying-Girl Scout, like Dad!

· When she is in junior high and she goes to the movies with her friends, when you go to pick her up, even though you know she sees you, honk the van anyway, just to be sure! This will make her really angry, but for some reason you’ll think it is sooo funny! (And then you can ask her if she wants to wrestle!)

· When she turns 16 and starts to drive, tell her things like “If you get a ticket, I get your keys.” And sound real serious about it. But when she gets her first ticket and hands you her keys, turn all soft and give her keys back.

· Starting very young, keep telling your daughter that Oklahoma State University is the best college around. Take her to lots of games, and you just might brainwash her into going there – and believing that it is the best college around!

· When she is getting married, complain about the amount of money this is costing you, but then cry when you walk her down the aisle. And even though you are quite certain that her new husband will never be able to care for her like you do, love him like a son anyway.

· When she starts to have kids and she goes into labor, be at the hospital – bring her beautiful roses from Sam’s and be sure to bring a fishing pole for your grandsons. Neither of you will forget this either.

· And when your family goes through hard times, keep telling your daughter that you love her. Give her lots of grace and keep asking “what can I do?” even though there might not be anything you can do.

I have two boys, Drew age 5 and Cooper age 7, and I asked them what they liked doing with their Papa. They talked about planting sunflower seeds, feeding the birds outside and the fish in his 3 aquariums, and spending the 4^th of July with him this summer. I asked them how they would describe Papa – and after talking about what the word “describe” means, they settled on “funny – Papa was funny.”

So maybe I could have just told you this: LOVE! Love your family, love your friends, love God, love life. That is what Daddy did. He sowed seeds of love wherever he went. I am a part of the legacy of that love and if you knew him, so are you.

During the past week, some people have said, “Jenn, I am sure you are asking “Why?” right now?” But actually I am not. I don’t need to know why. And though I may feel that all of this is really unfair and may feel a little cheated, there are a few things I have come to believe thus far in my life –

God is very, very big…..He is very, very good….and He loves us very, very much.

I read this in Proverbs 3 this week and thought “this says so much about my dad and so my about my Lord.” So I leave with this from The Message:

Don’t lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
in God’s eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God!