My Beautiful Mess

I felt it coming last Monday when the air-conditioning-fix-it man quoted us how much it would cost to fix our a/c. It started with that figure and quickly oozed its way through out my being. It reminded me how hard we have been working at getting rid of our credit card debt and how paying for this repair would bring our debt amount close to where it originally was. It reminded me how I want to take the kids on a vacation and how we probably won’t be able to do a big trip yet again. It reminded me that I want a bigger house and how far into the future that will likely be.

It is my “demon” of “I will never have enough.”

It has haunted me most of my adult life. While I have experienced freedom in other areas of my life over the years, this is one area that my spiritual enemy seems to win at constantly…a lot. I quickly decide that, though God has provided for us over and over again, I just don’t have enough. And I say things like “I guess we are just one of those families that will never have much money.” Or like I told a friend on Saturday, “I just get so tired of worry about finances.” I let expenses like fixing the a/c quickly cloud over ways God has blessed us…a lot.

Fortunately, He is helping me become aware of my negative thought patterns more quickly than I have in my past. He isn’t allowing me to wallow in the muck and the mire as long because I am sure He is sick of it - and so am I, for that matter! So my pity-party began to disintegrate on Saturday - with a Disney movie, of all things! Our family went to see “Up” (at the cheap matinee at Tinseltown, btw!). I highly recommend it. Without giving too much away, the movie basically speaks about things being just things, and about how sometimes you have to let go of certain things to form a new way of life and new relationships.

Sunday community at Skyline basically continued to seep this theme into my being. We are working through the book of Luke. The message was on the temptation of Jesus and then looking at what the enemy uses to tempt each of us. Good grief! Really, God??? I was just settling in with a cold drink and my own balloon here at my precious pity-party and you come along pop it! The worship leader told a story - which I don’t remember all of the details - about how 2 friends where on a third friend’s yacht. And one of them says to the other, “Can you imagine having this much money?” The other friend replies. “No, but I have something he will never have…enough.”

“So, my dear children, don’t let anyone divert you from the truth. It’s the person who acts right who is right, just as we see it lived out in our righteous Messiah. Those who make a practice of sin are straight from the Devil, the pioneer in the practice of sin. The Son of God entered the scene to abolish the Devil’s ways.”
1 John 3:7-8 from The Message

So enough is enough!

I have more than enough.

“My grace is enough; it’s all you need.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I told my husband today that sometime I can’t believe I am actually a mom but that most times I can’t imagine NOT being a mom. My “momminess” is tied to most everything I do - the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the packing lunches, the volunteer hours at the school, the practices and games, the wii I play, where we go out to eat, what time I get to bed, what errands I will run today, how much house cleaning I will accomplish, my conversations with friends and family, the photos I take, how many hours to work, where we live so we can be in a good school district, the things I pray about, the things I search scripture for, the friends I have, the birthday party planning….all of these are tied to my role of “Mom”.

But oh-for-the-love-of-all-that-is-my-life, I would NOT ever, ever, EVER trade it. People have tried over and over to put into words the feelings that come with motherhood - but you just can’t. How do you explain why tears come to your eyes when you are just watching them play? How do you express the anxiety of them being out of your care for even a minute? How do you tell them that if you did not have them, you would not be whole?

This journey of motherhood is a gift. A gift that just keeps on giving. May I encourage all moms to not loose sight of that. Even when you are more than tired, even when you want to scratch out your eyeballs in frustration, even when you wish that you could ship them to Grandma’s house…it is all worth it, so very WORTH it.

We had an amazing service at our church this morning. It began with the older kids leading us in worship and ended with all kids, ages 3 and up, singing about how deep and wide and high is the love of Christ…and the love of moms.

But instead of a pastor giving the “message” today, it was 3 moms/grandmas who gave us the message. The things I took away from what they had to say was to not make your kids be you, let them be all that God created them to be and, from time-to-time, enter into their world (this is why I play wii!). And surround yourself with people that will pray for you and your family. Be in a ladies Bible study (something I really need to do again). God knew what kind of mom your kids needed and He picked you. So stop expecting so much from yourself. What your kids need is YOU.

So today may you say with great pride, I am a Mom. Happy Mother’s Day!