Stuck on what kind of self-care routine fulfills your emotional needs? Today we’re talking about discovering your self-care love language.
Self-care is not about being selfish. It’s about being kind and gentle with yourself. It’s about recharging your soul, mind, and physical health so you can be there for others and keep up with responsibilities. Self-care refills your well! So today we’re going to talk about discovering your self-care love language.
What Is a Love Language
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book, “The Five Love Languages.” In this Christian-themed book, Chapman explains that people have five ways that they give and receive love. These are ways that we feel loved and appreciated. All people experience all five. However, there is normally one or two that really resonate with you. More specifically, you may feel unloved or that your emotional needs are not being met if you don’t receive love in your primary love language. When people have different love languages, there is often a disconnect. Knowing the love languages of your spouse, children and other close people help to make them feel loved and encouraged.
Chapman also suggests that we tend to give love in the way we want to receive it. For example, one of my primary love languages is words of affirmation. I want my husband to tell me he loves me, tell me I’m pretty and verbally thank me when I do something. Receiving this makes me feel secure, respected and cared for. My husband needs no such praise. He is unmoved when I tell him how handsome he is. His value and love are not wrapped up in words they way mine are.
Let’s take a moment and learn about the five love languages.
The Five Love Languages Explained
- TOUCH – Touch is the sensory experience of love. Hugging, kissing handholding, massage, and otherwise being physically affectionate
- QUALITY TIME – Spending uninterrupted, undistracted quality time together, having fun / creating memories
- ACTS OF SERVICE – (e.g. showing love rather than telling) Serving and otherwise showing practical physical gestures of service. For example, doing the dishes after dinner, gassing up your spouse’s car for them, preparing their morning coffee, or taking care of responsibilities)
- WORDS OF AFFIRMATION – Verbal affirmation, praise, and verbal appreciation, compliments, encouragement.
- GIFTS – this is not always about being spoiled or even materialism, but rather the gift tells them they were thought of and the more personal the gift, the more meaningful to the recipient. Additionally, the gift should not be an attempt to cover up past failures.
In all languages, the recipient also doesn’t want to have to ask for what they need, otherwise, it proves less meaningful. Ask yourself, what makes you feel loved and special? What do you need most out of relationships?
Discovering Your Self Care Love Language
So today, we’re going to talk about applying these principles to yourself. This is how you can meet some of your emotional needs on your own and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Here is what self-care might look like in your love language.
Touch (Sensory / Physical)
- Get a massage
- Create a skincare routine
- Take a long hot bath
- PJs all day!
- Cuddle with a pet
- Cut out sugar and junk food
- Enjoy candles or aromatherapy
- Take a walk outside in the sun
- Listen to Music
- Play an instrument
Quality Time (Present / Mindful)
- Take a nap (with or without an alarm clock)
- Schedule a lunch date with a friend
- Detox from social media
- Do an act of kindness for someone
- Sleep in
- Do something crafty
- Go to bed early
- Setting boundaries
- Spend time learning something new
- Wake early
- Make a budget to give yourself more financial freedom
- Delegate errands
- Book a therapy appointment
- Change your scenery and redecorate / rearrange furniture
- Create a routine for things you find stressful
Words of Affirmation (Mental)
- Write a love letter to yourself
- List out your positive qualities
- List your favorite physical qualities (challenge yourself)
- Write a gratitude list
- Listen to a positive podcast
- Avoid toxic people and people who make you feel bad about yourself
- Write a goal list
- Keep a compliment list, refer to it when you’re blue
- Read some inspirational quotes
- Forgive someone
- Invest in your dreams
- Treat yourself to something special
- Dine al fresco
- Give yourself a facial
- Take a vacation
- Get a mani/pedi
- Treat yourself to dinner out
- Take a staycation
- Enjoy a spa day (Pamper yourself)
- Buy some fresh flowers
- Buy a new outfit
- Go wine tasting
- Enjoy a cocktail at a swanky bar
- Treat yourself to dessert
- Hire someone to clean your house
If you want to be loved, it starts with you. Others notice how we treat ourselves. Self-respect, giving ourselves permission to rest, and developing a positive image of ourselves are all forms of self-care. Make yourself a priority so you can be there for others.