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This week I turned forty. So that got me thinking about why turning 40 isn’t that bad. If you are worried about aging, there are lots of perks.

This week, I turn forty. Can I be honest? I was having a hard time with it. Seriously, what happened? I was just in my twenties. My thirties went by so quickly. As I approached my birthday, I started to feel old. So that got me thinking. What does being forty feel like? Or maybe more to the point, “how am I different at forty?” I began to realize, there are actually a lot of perks at this age. Here are my reasons why turning 40 isn’t that bad.

You Don’t Care About Being Cool

I finally made it! I don’t care about being popular in social groups. I no longer feel the need to be hip or cool. I’m just me. My husband will poke fun at the fact that he has tamed me into a lame mom. At first, I cared, but now…I’m totally comfortable in this stage. Once you hit forty, you’ll realize that there is a lot more important things in life than popularity and fitting in. You find you don’t need the constant validation of the world. After all, that’s exhausting.

You Become Aware of Your Own Mortality

Now that I’m forty I am burying more people, particularly in my parent’s generation. Recently, I’ve become aware of my own fleeting life. Now, this isn’t all gloom and doom. Don’t worry, I’m not writing my own eulogy or making internment plans for myself. Rather, I’m aware that I am in the second half of my life and when that happens, things become more meaningful. Forgiveness becomes easier once you realize that time is short and that most arguments and misunderstandings don’t matter in eternity. Realizing your own mortality helps you make wiser decisions for the future and for your kids. I’m suddenly very aware of how time is precious.

You’re Quick to Kick Toxic Relationships to the Curb

I think by the time you hit forty, you generally lose patience for things that are toxic. That includes people and situations that just aren’t good for you. At this point in life, you’ve become more discerning about who you let into your inner circle. You have standards about how you expect to be treated and you aren’t afraid to tell someone to “take a hike” if they are poisonous or soul-sucking. You also become more aware of when someone is taking advantage of you. Getting older simply means you have no time for jerks in your life.

Being 40 Doesn’t Feel That Old

Being forty is such a weird feeling. I don’t feel particularly old, but I also don’t relate to twenty-year-olds. I find myself asking if I was that dumb and naive at that age! People in their twenties suddenly look and act like teenagers. When did that happen? I don’t feel as young as I did when I was in my twenties. I’m less energetic and not nearly as spry as I was and yet, I don’t feel old yet. I have a ton of grey hair sprouting all over my head that reminds me that I’m experienced.

You Wish You Would Have Saved More

When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world. Money? You have plenty of time to earn that! Wrong. You only have so many years you can work and as far as companies are concerned you have a shelf life. People in their late fifties and early sixties are pushed out of companies because of their big salaries and their productivity level. You want to leave your kids something and you realize that you may have to live off your retirement savings for decades. You suddenly realize how important it is to save money.

There is No More Condescension Because You’re Young

I can only think of one person who still treats me like I’m a child and that’s my mother, but I think its common for moms to always be moms. Everyone else treats me like the forty-year-old that I am. Experienced. Wise. Worthy of respect. At this age, you finally know a thing or two. You feel like you have more equality with peers and you feel well-rounded.

Your Peace Becomes a Priority

One thing that has changed as I’ve grown older is how much I value peace. I find I have no time for drama, nosy people, or things that stress me out. I detest busyness and value “me time.” I appreciate quiet time, a full prayer life, and personal relationships before anything else. I’m choosy about how I spend my time. You become more comfortable saying “no” to people and situations.

You Become More Practical

I’m not saying that you suddenly give up on dreams or goals when you become middle-aged. But what I will say is that you become more practical about goals. These days my goals are more realistic. Your priorities shift too. You become satisfied with the smaller things in life. The things that really matter. Designer labels and status symbols don’t matter to me anymore. I roll my eyes at fashionistas and I don’t care what shoes I have as long as they are comfortable. I’m happier at this age because I have found contentment in simple living.

You Become Kinder to Yourself

This may or may not be true for everyone, but it has certainly become true for me. At this age, I’m way kinder to myself. I’ve become better at taming my inner critic. It’s become easier to accept myself the way I am. I’ve learned to slow down and give myself time to rest and recharge. I give myself grace and room for mistakes, something I never did when I was young. I was harsh with myself. Some of the insecurities take a back seat and you discover a whole new kind of confidence. These days, I’m gentle with how I treat myself.

Good Health Becomes A Blessing

It’s true. I think around this age you stop taking your health for granted. People around you are having health issues and you begin to realize that good health is a blessing and something that requires conscientiousness. You start to realize if you want to see your children grow and have children of their own, you need to take care of yourself.

You Realize Most Problems Aren’t The End of the World

When I was younger, I fretted a lot more. I will always worry more than my husband, but I still worry a lot less than I used to. Experience tells you that most of our problems work out and often for the better. Many things we worry about never even happen. You gain perspective and learn to let problems play out. You realize that everything will be okay. Finally, you figure out that tough seasons don’t last. It becomes clear that disappointment isn’t the end of the world and that success is never a straight line.

Tell Me What You Think

As it turns out, turning 40 isn’t that bad. If you are over forty, I would love to hear about how you feel about your age. How have you changed as you’ve grown older? What is different about you in middle age?

Some days we don’t feel like adulting. Other days we’re just downright miserable, lonely and frustrated. Instead of wallowing in mom guilt, try these tips for Resetting Your Day As A Mom

Bad Moods

It had been 9 days. Nine days of snotty notes, phlegm filled coughs and clingy, whiny children. Furthermore, I was sick and it was my fifth day battling this awful bug. All moms know there is no such thing as a sick day. Moms are expected to just chug some medicine and get right back to nursing others. Meanwhile, in the midst of all the coughing and sneezing, I had also managed to throw a birthday party for my husband.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was utterly exhausted and we were still sick. We hadn’t been out of the house in 9 days and let me tell you that cabin fever is a real thing. We were all sick of being sick and boy was it starting to affect my attitude.

Moodiness Is Contagious

From the moment I woke up, my toddler was under my feet following me around everywhere I went. I felt myself get irritated that I couldn’t even walk without feeling like I was going to trip over him. Normally pretty self-sufficient, he suddenly couldn’t do anything for himself. His mood crescendoed with a full-on meltdown when it was time for me to feed little brother.

Next, there was my infant who spent the better part of 5 days crying and refusing to be put down. The whining was so bad I felt like I could hear it even when he had stopped. Consistent baby cries are enough to make anyone feel like they’re going mad. I felt my blood boil. I just wanted to rest. The mess of the party was still looking at me and I had two babies that were requiring every ounce of energy I had. I wanted to walk out the door and run for the hills! My words whipped around the room like a scorpion’s tail. It’s a moment you pray no one ever sees. It reminded me of something someone said to me once.

If your pastor were to ring your doorbell right now, would your attitude change?

Ugh! Of course it would. It would,’t even have to be my pastor. But the answer tells you that you are totally capable of changing your attitude. You are in total control of how you behave. Therefore, if you could straiten up your attitude in a moment’s notice, it tells you that this crabby, ornery mood is totally on you! That’s right – it’s up to you. Believe me, I fail at this more than I care to admit. Moments like this that douse me with buckets of mom guilt afterwards. Here are some tips for resetting your day as a mom.

You Set The Tone

Have you ever noticed that whenever you are in a bad mood, you’re kids also seem to have the roughest, most emotionally charged day? That’s because you set the tone in your house. It’s true. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but girlfriend, it’s true. Your kids look to you to see how they should behave and they emulate what they see. If you are resistant and angry, they pick up on it. Worse, they mirror it.

The good news is that you can reset your attitude. It takes some determination, but more than anything it takes your will. You have to decide to change your attitude. Here are some things that have helped me in the past.

Take a Time Out

Stop. Just stop right in the middle of that fire-breathing sentence and pull yourself together. Listen to what you just said and how awful it sounded. Walk away from your kids for a second if you have to, but take a moment from spitting venom and cool down. It’s not easy to admit, but the truth is, toddlers aren’t the only ones who have meltdowns! If you need to, phone a friend. Sometimes distraction or talking with a supportive person is enough to change our attitude.

Breathe & Reset Your Day

Go strait up zen and breathe in and out meditation style. Listen to your breath. Let your heart rate fall. If you need to, talk to yourself. Pray. Mediate. It’s up to you. Because I’m a Christian, I often call out the enemy and rebuke him out loud. I recognize that I’m in a battle with an enemy who wants to steal my joy (John 10:10) and devour me (1 Peter 5:8). Compose yourself and decide not to act like that. You have the power to reset your day as a mom.

Gain Perspective

If there is one thing that I learned with my psychology degree, it’s that hurting people hurt other people. When we are hurting or depleted inside, it rears it’s ugly head in the form of lashing out. Normally there are rational explanations for our mood. Maybe we are running on a few hours of sleep. Similarly, maybe our kids aren’t feeling well. Maybe we’re just all a little tired of being cooped up in the house. It sometimes helps to get to the bottom of why we’re so moody. And if it’s your kids’ behavior that set you off, consider they are hurting or frustrated about something too. This is the place where reason and compassion meet. Gain some perspective and remember you control what happens next. You have a great life and you have so many things for which to be happy and grateful.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”- Maya Angelou

Resetting Your Day as a Mom

Be Flexible

If you’re anything like me, you had grand plans for your day that suddenly feel like they have been hijacked. You must realize that that is a symptom of needing to be in control. Your plans; your way. Things don’t always go the way we planned and we must accept that. Be willing to let housework go for a day. It’s never ending anyway. I promise you, there would be housework tomorrow even if you worked today. No load of laundry is as important as loving your child.

Reprioritize and remove unnecessary commitments. Many times our moodiness comes from a place of being overwhelmed and frustrated. Take a good hard look at what you have on your plate. Remove unnecessary things that are weighing you down and reorder what you do have, spreading them out into manageable chunks. Delegate tasks to your husband. Usually most people don’t help, because they don’t know they’re needed.

Finally, ask for help. That friend, parent, in-law, sibling or neighbor who always says, “let me know if you need something,” is the one you need to call. People don’t go around offering help if they don’t mean it. If they offer, they truly don’t mind. Swallow your pride and ask for help. No one is going to think any less of you. If you’re truly struggling you need to call on the people that love you for help. Sometimes just having some support changes everything.

Extend Grace

This is the hard part. Letting it go. Once emotions are settled and the moment has passed, we are quick to feel guilt and condemn ourselves. Identifying regrets is a healthy way to stop ourselves from making the same mistake, but it can become unhealthy if we wallow in self-pity and condemn ourselves. That’s because over time, we believe what we say about ourselves. If you constantly tell yourself you’re a failure and a bad mother, you’ll start to believe it. Don’t give into that. Part of self-care and self-love is forgiving yourself. Allow yourself to be human, including making mistakes. This life is about progress, not perfection. Hold yourself accountable. Apologize if necessary. Commit to change. Move forward.

“Allow yourself to be human, including making mistakes“

In conclusion, it is awful that are children see us at some of our worst moments. But even in our adult-sized tantrum we can show our children how to regain self-control. Don’t be hard on yourself, mama. You got this!

Looking for additional mom support? Learn more about How To Stay Sane As A Stay-At-Home Mom

The post, Resetting Your Day As A Mom, first appeared on My Beautiful Mess.

Tag: adulting

Why Turning 40 Isn’t That Bad