Mother’s Day After Miscarriage

I lost my babies in 2014. Still, Mother’s Day after miscarriage evokes lots of emotions even years later. Allow me to share how I feel when this day rolls around.

MOTHERS DAY AFTER MISCARRIAGE

Hi, friends. Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful mamas out there. Today, I wanted to share some thoughts that have been on my heart. Several months ago, I wrote a post entitled 15 Comforting Verses for Miscarriage. Since I wrote it, my inbox and comments have been flooded with heartbreaking stories from mamas and daddies who have lost their babies. My heart breaks for all of you.

I have shared my miscarriage story in the post, Surviving Miscarriage. It was both therapeutic and gut-wrenching to write it. I won’t rehash all the details here. That’s not really what this post is about. Today I wanted to share my thoughts on Mother’s Day after miscarriage. Mother’s Day can be a very painful reminder of your infant loss if you are grieving. I want to give you hope that even though it is painful in the beginning, your grief will one day turn into acceptance and possibly even hope.

A Sobering Thought

It is a sobering thought to consider that half my children are in heaven. I have two beautiful boys and I am deeply in love with them. They are beautiful, bright souls. They are perfect in every way and I love them more than I could have ever imagined. But my first two babies are in heaven. Half my children aren’t here and even now, I miss the loves I never got to meet.

Before I had two miscarriages, I was really ignorant about the pain and grief that a mother felt. I realize how obtuse that was, but I don’t know that you can understand the very special grief that comes along with having both life and death inside of you. Both my miscarriages were back to back, which really compounded the pain and hopelessness. I was also very unprepared that much of my grief would be centered around self-blame.

As a mother, it is your instinct to protect your child and when you miscarry or your child is stillborn you spend a great deal of time wondering if you could have done something differently. You find yourself blame-shifting between the glass of wine you had before you knew you were pregnant or the exercise you did. Did I eat something wrong? Is something wrong with me? Grief plays terrible tricks on your conscience. Mama, if you are in this stage of grief, let me assure you, you did nothing wrong. Miscarriage is way more common than you think and often there are no answers.

Mother’s Day After Miscarriage

After my second miscarriage, I quickly became pregnant with my oldest living son Jack. While I was pregnant, just a month before I gave birth, Mother’s Day passed. I was honestly very surprised by my feelings. Even though I was about to give birth, I was still very grieved over my two babies. Mother’s Day was a painful reminder of what had happened the year prior. I ached to hold my babies. I longed to see their faces and hear their cries. It is the pain only a mother can understand.

I did not fully enjoy my pregnancy with Jack because I was so scared and worried about losing him. My point is that even the anticipation of another child did not dull my grief. Even if you have other children later, there is no replacement for the one you lost. It’s okay joyful at your next child and still grieve the one you lost.

What I was most surprised about was the years that followed. Even with my two boys, I can still say that Mother’s Days brings bittersweet feelings. Yes, I am so thrilled to be the mama of my beautiful boys. But there is also a part of my heart that grieves, even now years later. Of course, I don’t just think about my loves on Mother’s Day. I think about them all the time. I wonder what they would have looked like. What kind of personalities they would have had.

Hope for the Future

I’m convinced now, that those feelings will never go away. I’ve made my peace with the fact that the babies I lost are just as much a part of my heart as my two living children. I have arrived at this place of acceptance. Mama, if you have lost a child either by miscarriage or stillbirth, let me say that reminders are everywhere. Your due date, your miscarriage date, Mother’s Day, Christmas, they all sting those first few years.

But this is also where I would tell you that one day, it won’t hurt like this. Those first few years are really hard and the one thing that helped me get though my grief wasn’t any comfort friends and family gave me, but the comfort I found in the promises of God. Growing closer to Christ, assuaged my grief and gave me hope, that I will eventually meet my babies.

Please, take heart, mama. If you are struggling with grief, I urge you to stay in the Word of God. I’ve learned that the devil isn’t above kicking you when you are down. He will absolutely try to blame shift towards God. He will make you question the goodness of God, but by staying in the Word, you will see, he lies. Remember, that our God is compassionate and sympathetic. I’m going to close with one of the most comforting verses that helped me.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

I’d Love to Pray for You

If you would like me to pray for you, you can leave a comment or if you would like your request to remain private, you can use the contact me page. Please know that I really do pray for you and I continue praying for you. You are not alone in your grief. Also, if your grief is turning into resentment or bitterness, I really urge you to visit with a trusted Christian counselor, pastor, or elder of the church. There is no shame in receiving help to work through your grief.

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15 Comforting Scriptures for Miscarriage

I know the pain of miscarriage, but the holy scriptures offer us comfort in our time of grief, confusion, and disappointment. Here are 15 comforting scriptures for miscarriage.

15 comforting scriptures for miscarriage

Nothing prepares you for losing a baby. I was totally unprepared for miscarriage when my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby. I spent so much time daydreaming of tiny toes and tender moments. I never considered that my pregnancy could end tragically. Pregnancy is, after all, such a natural process for a woman.

I did have my own fears though. You see, years before in my twenties, I had an ovarian tumor. The tumor caused me to have emergency surgery and I ended up losing one of my ovaries. As I aged into my middle thirties, I prepared myself for what I thought was inevitable. I anticipated that it would be very hard to get pregnant. I anticipated months of trying without any luck.

So when I got pregnant during the first month of trying, my husband and I were overjoyed. I don’t know that I’ve ever been so excited in my life. We started making plans immediately. I was in such disbelief, that I went to urgent care to confirm my pregnancy because my OBGYN couldn’t see me until week ten. The pregnancy bolted my faith. I felt so close to the Lord who was creating life inside me. It was the first time I really saw the ministry and God’s glory in motherhood.

Tragedy and Grief

I was so excited when we finally went to the doctor. I was going to hear my child’s heartbeat and see them in a sonogram. My husband stood by my side as the doctor searched across my belly. She pointed out the amniotic sac then grew quiet. My heart sank as I realized that something was wrong. There was no sound. No flutter.

She told me she thought maybe I had my period date wrong. The fetus is harder for the sonogram to detect when it’s younger than eight weeks. In fact, many times it can’t be detected until eight weeks. So she made us wait and come back in two weeks. Those two weeks were unimaginably hard. I sobbed into my husband’s chest as he awkwardly tried to comfort me. We both knew what this meant. At some point, our baby had stopped growing. Stopped living. I had to watch my pregnancy symptoms slowly fade. My breasts no longer hurt. The nausea went away completely.

We went back in two weeks and the doctor was able to confirm the heartbeat was gone. I held it together as the doctor explained that I could either have a D&C or miscarry naturally. I opted to miscarry naturally, It took an entire month before the cramping and bleeding started. I wept bitterly on my bed when I realized what was happening. After two days of contractions, the miscarriage was over, but my grief was just beginning.

Deeper In Grief

My husband and I decided to immediately get back on the horse and to our surprise, we got pregnant again the first month we started trying. Except for this time I experienced no joy. Only fear. My parents and husband assured me another miscarriage wasn’t likely and that I should enjoy the pregnancy. But several weeks into my first trimester I miscarried again.

Oh, friend. Those were dark days. The grief. The disappointment. Fear. It was the perfect opportunity for the enemy to attack me and that is exactly what he did. I heard some horrible thoughts in those moments. I was tempted to believe it was my fault. That something was inherently wrong with me. Even that I was unworthy of being a mother. Satan is, after all, the accuser (Rev 12:10), and he will absolutely try to kick you when you are down. He will lie to you. It is in his nature (John 8:44).

When I began to sink into deep depression, grief, and confusion, I turned to God’s holy word and it comforted me. So today, I’m sharing those verses with you today. Not long after my second miscarriage, I got pregnant with my oldest son, my rainbow baby. I’ll save that experience for another time. I still think of my two babies Gabriel and Daphne and I always will. Even though they are not with us, they are a part of my family and a part of my heart. If you are struggling with grief from miscarriage, please let me know in the comments and I’ll add you to my prayer list. You aren’t alone, mama. I know how you feel. Half of my children are in heaven. I hope these 15 comforting scriptures for miscarriage being help assuage your grief.

15 Comforting Scriptures for Miscarriage

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

Psalm 71:20-23

He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

isaiah 25:8

So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

john 16:22
1 corinthians 15:26

You have recorded my troubles. You have kept a list of my tears. Aren’t they in your records?

Psalm 56:8

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

2 corinthians 7:10

For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

Lamentations 3:31-33
15 comforting scriptures for miscarriage

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

1 Peter 5:10

For You created my inmost being; You knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

psalm 139:13-14
15 comforting scriptures for miscarriage

Therefore we do not lose heart. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

revelation 21:4

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

john 14:27

Before, I close, let me say that I understand your pain. Your baby will not be forgotten. As with all grief, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, nor is there any appropriate time frame to grieve. Regardless of what week you lost your baby, give yourself full permission to grieve. Also, don’t let anyone minimize your pain if you lost your child in early pregnancy. Let your sorrow wash over you while allowing the scriptures to comfort you. Meaningful grieving is the path to acceptance and healing.

Until then my thoughts and prayers are with you. If you’d like me to pray for you, you can leave a prayer request in the comments or you can message me privately if you prefer.

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