Discovering Your Self-Care Love Language

Stuck on what kind of self-care routine fulfills your emotional needs? Today we’re talking about discovering your self-care love language.

discovering your self care love language

Self-care is not about being selfish. It’s about being kind and gentle with yourself. It’s about recharging your soul, mind, and physical health so you can be there for others and keep up with responsibilities. Self-care refills your well! So today we’re going to talk about discovering your self-care love language.

What Is a Love Language

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book, “The Five Love Languages.” In this Christian-themed book, Chapman explains that people have five ways that they give and receive love. These are ways that we feel loved and appreciated. All people experience all five. However, there is normally one or two that really resonate with you. More specifically, you may feel unloved or that your emotional needs are not being met if you don’t receive love in your primary love language. When people have different love languages, there is often a disconnect. Knowing the love languages of your spouse, children and other close people help to make them feel loved and encouraged.

Chapman also suggests that we tend to give love in the way we want to receive it. For example, one of my primary love languages is words of affirmation. I want my husband to tell me he loves me, tell me I’m pretty and verbally thank me when I do something. Receiving this makes me feel secure, respected and cared for. My husband needs no such praise. He is unmoved when I tell him how handsome he is. His value and love are not wrapped up in words they way mine are.

Let’s take a moment and learn about the five love languages.

The Five Love Languages Explained

  • TOUCH – Touch is the sensory experience of love. Hugging, kissing handholding, massage, and otherwise being physically affectionate
  • QUALITY TIME – Spending uninterrupted, undistracted quality time together, having fun / creating memories
  • ACTS OF SERVICE – (e.g. showing love rather than telling) Serving and otherwise showing practical physical gestures of service. For example, doing the dishes after dinner, gassing up your spouse’s car for them, preparing their morning coffee, or taking care of responsibilities)
  • WORDS OF AFFIRMATION – Verbal affirmation, praise, and verbal appreciation, compliments, encouragement.
  • GIFTS – this is not always about being spoiled or even materialism, but rather the gift tells them they were thought of and the more personal the gift, the more meaningful to the recipient. Additionally, the gift should not be an attempt to cover up past failures.

In all languages, the recipient also doesn’t want to have to ask for what they need, otherwise, it proves less meaningful. Ask yourself, what makes you feel loved and special? What do you need most out of relationships?

discovering your self care love language

Discovering Your Self Care Love Language

So today, we’re going to talk about applying these principles to yourself. This is how you can meet some of your emotional needs on your own and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Here is what self-care might look like in your love language.

Touch (Sensory / Physical)

  • Get a massage
  • Create a skincare routine
  • Take a long hot bath
  • PJs all day!
  • Cuddle with a pet
  • Exercise
  • Stretch
  • Cut out sugar and junk food
  • Enjoy candles or aromatherapy
  • Take a walk outside in the sun
  • Listen to Music
  • Play an instrument
  • Dance
  • Sunbathe

Quality Time (Present / Mindful)

  • Take a nap (with or without an alarm clock)
  • Schedule a lunch date with a friend
  • Mediate
  • Pray
  • Detox from social media
  • Do an act of kindness for someone
  • Sleep in
  • Journal
  • Do something crafty
  • Go to bed early
  • Setting boundaries
  • Spend time learning something new
  • Wake early

Service (Do)

  • Make a budget to give yourself more financial freedom
  • Declutter
  • Delegate errands
  • Book a therapy appointment
  • Garden
  • Change your scenery and redecorate / rearrange furniture
  • Create a routine for things you find stressful

Words of Affirmation (Mental)

  • Write a love letter to yourself
  • List out your positive qualities
  • List your favorite physical qualities (challenge yourself)
  • Write a gratitude list
  • Read
  • Listen to a positive podcast
  • Avoid toxic people and people who make you feel bad about yourself
  • Write a goal list
  • Keep a compliment list, refer to it when you’re blue
  • Read some inspirational quotes
  • Forgive someone

Gifts (Immerse)

  • Invest in your dreams
  • Treat yourself to something special
  • Dine al fresco
  • Give yourself a facial
  • Take a vacation
  • Get a mani/pedi
  • Treat yourself to dinner out
  • Take a staycation
  • Enjoy a spa day (Pamper yourself)
  • Buy some fresh flowers
  • Buy a new outfit
  • Go wine tasting
  • Enjoy a cocktail at a swanky bar
  • Treat yourself to dessert
  • Hire someone to clean your house

If you want to be loved, it starts with you. Others notice how we treat ourselves. Self-respect, giving ourselves permission to rest, and developing a positive image of ourselves are all forms of self-care. Make yourself a priority so you can be there for others.

Journal Prompts for Self-Confidence

If you’re struggling from with your self-esteem I’d love for you to try journaling to work out some of those tough feelings. Join me for journal prompts for self-confidence.

journal prompts for self confidence

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Building Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is all about trusting yourself. Trusting your abilities, your talents, and your capabilities are what makes for a self-confident person.

Maybe you had someone in your life that has torn down your self-confidence. I find this is always done with criticism and judgement. Maybe you had an overly critical parent or boss. Perhaps a disapproving mother-in-law made you question your parenting skills. Maybe an envious friend or sibling made you feel bad for…well…just being you! We all have people in our life, who either intentionally or unintentionally pull on the fragile thread of our self-confidence. Tug hard enough and it can unravel us.

That said, just because someone else says it doesn’t mean there is any truth to it. In fact, I’ve found most criticism comes from a place of jealousy and the other person’s insecurity. A big part of building self-confidence is simply not giving a %&#@ about other people’s opinions. If you were to gather 15 or twenty friends, family and acquaintances you would likely also find the same number of different reputations with each of them. People will form opinions and impressions of you and most of the time, their opinions matter little.

Focus on Your Strengths

A lack of self-confidence or self-esteem happens when the perception of ourself becomes unbalanced. We begin to focus or believe judgement, criticism and negative perceptions about ourself – and we become what we believe.

Now honestly, I am the worst at shaking off criticism. Like, really bad at it! In fact, it’s one reason why I held back from starting this blog for years. Not everyone is going to like what I write and I wasn’t sure I couldn’t handle that.

But a year ago, someone really tore into me. Like told me off in a way that really destroyed my self-confidence. It made me ashamed of my gifts and talents. Quite frankly, it made me hate myself. But we need to learn where that kind of criticism comes from. Most importantly, we can’t allow that to be our focus. Even if there is some truth to what is said, we have to focus on our strengths and keep our head up. That’s why I picked up this blog again after so many years of neglecting it. Someone called me a know-it-all and that’s fine. I’m going to turn that around and use it for good. Focus on your strengths, not where you lack.

Be Kind To Yourself

I remember when I went to psychotherapy early in my twenties. My therapist pointed out a perpetual bad habit of mine – being unkind to myself. In my case, it was lots of negative self-talk. I’m going to be very candid now because I want you to know, that I’m a living, breathing, incredibly flawed person. I don’t have it all together! To show you what I mean, here are a few things I have said to myself:

  • “See? This is why no one likes you.”
  • “You’re just going to fail. You should just give up.”
  • ”If you don’t hope for anything, you can’t be disappointed.”
  • ”No one loves you.”
  • ”You’re a terrible mother.”
  • ”Nothing good happens to you.”
  • “You’re fat and unattractive.”
  • “Nobody cares about your blog or what you have to say.”
  • “People think you’re lazy and sloppy because you’re overweight.”

Terrible, right? I’ve said things to myself I would never say to another person. Many of us do. It becomes a habit we desperately need to break. It starts by affirming yourself every day. Be kind to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t believe it at first. Just start by saying kind things to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend.

Self-confidence

Today, I’ll be sharing journal prompts for self-confidence. I truly hope they help you work out some tough feelings and foster a kinder relationship with yourself.

Journal Prompts for Self-Confidence

  • What’s the last compliment someone paid you?
  • For what do you want to be remembered?
  • List three physical features you love about ourself.
  • How would you describe yourself to someone who has never met you?
  • How do you want to inspire others?
  • List three of life’s passions.
  • What flaw will you work on this year?
  • Write 12 positive affirmations to yourself.
  • List 10 things you love about your life right now.
  • Why do you think your best friend is friends with you?
  • What scares you most about failure?
  • What would happen if you were to fail?
  • Who builds you up the most and what do they say to you?
  • Describe an event where your strength surprised you.
  • What did you do best in school?
  • What were / are you great at in a professional setting?
  • Describe something you do better than most people.
  • How have you shown courage recently?
  • Why do you get down on yourself?
  • What do you need to leave in the past?
  • If someone in your past wrecked your self-confidence, what would you say to them now?
  • How will you stop negative self-talk?
  • What failures keep you from living life to the fullest and how can you move past it?
  • How do you typically respond to setbacks and what can you do better?
  • What would happen if you stopped caring about what people thought?
  • How you unkind to yourself?
  • What beliefs about yourself limit your potential?
  • Write a pep talk to yourself.
  • Name five unwavering life principles.
  • What negative thing do you repeatedly say to yourself and why do you think you say it?
  • About what are you most insecure?
  • Where do you struggle ask for help? Why?
  • What criticism hurts you the most?
  • Make a list of things you’ve accomplished in your life.
  • What is you dream in life? (Be honest. There is no one here.)

Don’t Forget to Subscribe

Thank you for reading Journal Prompts for Self-Confidence. In addition, if you’re interested in more journal prompts, see my other posts Gratitude Journal Prompts and 50 Journal Prompts.

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