My Beautiful Mess

It is July 21st…..and it is hot…..and it will continue to be hot here until September…….and that makes me cranky.

The weatherman said the high for today will be 100. I hate him. He is so depressing. (nothing personal, Mr. Weatherman)

So we left my dad’s in Borger on the 6th, sent the other dads (my husband and brother) back to work in Oklahoma and traveled south about 45 miles to my mom’s in Amarillo, TX. Something strange happened during this time, however - the amount of little boys hanging around me seemed to multiply! In other words, I had my normal two….

Then added in this one (my 3-year-old nephew)….

And then sometimes this one was around (my step-sister’s almost-3-year-old)….

Just look at ‘em all!

And Nan sure kept them all busy! There is actually lots of fun things to do in Amarillo - everyday we made a trip somewhere! And I got to visit my college roommate who also lives there, so that was a bonus! And guess what she just had…a boy! (I’m holding him).

She does have a 2-year-old little girl as well, Ella Kate, whom my boys “made” play with building blocks during our visit. (sigh)

Even “Nan” (my mom) decided we needed something a little more, um, “feminine”, though my boys loved it just as much as any kiddo would- chocolate cake flower pots! Yum! And cute!

Not to fear though, Jenn, your niece’s first birthday is next week, and I’m sure you’ll find the perfect pink, frilly, girly gift! Yea! Time to go shopping!

But I tell you what, these are some sweet, sweet boys! Thanks for a fun time, Nan and Grandpa Dave! Your boys (all 4 of them) love you and so do I!!

I’m finally able to do some posting with pictures of our week in Texas! This is my way to do some “digital scrapbooking”!

So we traveled west to my dad’s in Borger, TX on the 4th with my brother and his 3-year-old son, Jack (my sister-in-law and niece had gone to visit a friend in Colorado). My dad and his wife Janet live in a neighborhood that is outside the city limits. Dad had told me that it gets kind of crazy out there on July 4th with everyone’s fireworks, and he wasn’t kidding! I can’t believe the amount of money some people spend on things that blow up! But one problem existed with all of this…Drew is slightly “noise sensitive”. Tornado alarms, babies crying, loud-flushing-public toilets at Target - all send his little hands up to his ears and his eyes in tears! But glory to God, we have a Papa with lots of tools! Here was his solution for Drew to endure the fireworks….

Of course if he had some “ear muffs”, they all had to have them….

Bubbles are much quieter though…

Thanks for a great time, Papa and Meme!

I’m sitting at my mom’s dining room table, watching her squeeze in her last few hours with “her boys” (my 2 and my nephew). We have spent the past week in Texas with my dad and then my mom, and are heading home today. We have certainly never lacked for things to do this week!! Throw in my step-sister’s son a few times this week and it has been often crazy! I told my husband that when I get home, I’d like to sit in a very quiet place, alone, and perhaps with an adult beverage!

I’m ready to be back in Oklahoma, though I am not looking forward to the jump in humidity! West Texas is much drier and makes for some beautiful evenings. But this is not my home. I have lived in Oklahoma my whole life, minus a year in Casper, Wyoming when I was about 2, which I don’t remember. So how did my family get out here? My dad has worked for oil and natural gas companies his entire life which led us to being transfered to Borger, TX two weeks after my high school graduation. Five years after that (and 2 months before I was engaged), their divorce was final. Three years after that (and 2 years after I married), they both remarried within 6 months of each other. Mom moved to Amarillo with her new husband, and Dad stayed in Borger with his new wife.

These events were the toughest things I have yet to experience. Sometimes I hate admitting that since so many people have gone through much, much more than that; a parents’ divorce may have been just the tip of the iceberg for many of you. But for me, the end of my parents’ 25 years of marriage rocked my world for probably the next 10 years. It was at this time that I came to believe that we do have a spiritual enemy, and he stole my family away from me. It would have been a lot easier if my parents had not had a beautiful, caring, best-friend-kind-of-relationship, one I hoped to have in the future. So I have had to redefine the word “family” for myself over the past 12 years.

I guess one thing that helps is seeing the relationship they all have with my kids. My kids LOVE spending time with my dad and his wife (Papa and Meme) and with my mom and her husband (Nan and Grandpa Dave), and all of them adore and are so great to my children. My boys don’t know anything different. All they know is that they are loved.

And really, that is what is important. God’s grace rebuilding a broken system into something meaningful and rich. Something that I’ve really had to work through with Him - recognizing that it is not about me, but about His Love.

And that is how I have come to enjoy a week in Texas.

So there isn’t anything red in this post but I will have some white and definitely some blooms! I just like the title - I stole it, of course!

I promised ya some gardening stuff so I thought I ‘d start with the bestest thing in my yard this year, my favorite flower, the one I had in my wedding flowers along with roses….introducing My Hydrangeas!

The fun thing about this hydrangea is I bought it on sale from a greenhouse like 9 years ago. You know, those ones that you can buy around Mother’s Day like this…

What I’ve learned about hydrangeas (of which there are many varieties) has been by trial and error with this one. First off, most of them like some shade; this one is on the north side of my house and so gets some shade from the house. They also like lots of water and fertilizer; the acidity of your soil, which can be altered by fertilizer, helps determine the color of your flowers.

But the most important thing I have learned is when to cut them back. For the first few years, I wanted it to grow bigger so I never cut it back. Then when it was getting too big, I decided to trim it up and usually did this in the Fall after the flowers and leaves had died off. And therein lies my mistake, for I have finally learned that the blooms grow off of last year’s branches. So needless to say, some years I had a beautiful, full green shrub but no flowers. So when should you trim it if you so choose? After it has bloomed, like late summer, before it completely dies off for the winter.

The other thing that grows well in shade, comes back year-after-year, and can grow quite large are hostas. I’ve paired two with my hydrangea but as you can see, I think I’ll need a bigger front yard soon.

So if you have a shady spot in your yard, try some hostas or hydrangeas. Try this site for more on hydrangeas and this one for hostas.

Hope you had a fun and safe 4th of July. We are spending time in Texas with grandparents right now so hope to post some pics of our celebration with Papa soon. And remember, Bloom Where You’re Planted!

(I stole that one too! I have no idea what it means.)

I just realized something tonight - God brought me this thought - or maybe it was I just finally took time to do some talking with Him and I heard this:

“My gift to you this summer is the gift of relationships.”

Wow!! It is so true, and I am so thankful! In the time frame of about 5 days, I had the opportunity to have lunch with a gal and her daughters with whom I have been building a friendship over the past year; I got to go to a baby shower of another new friend who is the wife of one of Ryan’s co-workers; I got to be a part of a long-time and very dear friend’s new business adventure (will tell you more about this later); got to go to dinner with someone I know mostly through blogging; and tonight I got to “vent” on the phone with a co-worker about changes at the agency, in a friendship-bonding moment.

All of these connections look so random but they have completely refreshed my spirit!! Being able to slow down this summer, not being so scheduled, and looking for ways to have fun have brought connections and opportunities to share life with some precious people. And I am so thankful.

One of my Spring-to-Summertime hobbies is messing around in my yard. Sounds real professional, doesn’t it! Since I don’t consider myself a full-fledged gardener, I just consider it “messing around in the yard.” Here is a visual for you, to explain what I mean…What I am trying to say is I like to transform this…

into this…

People often comment on how pretty our yard is – and we even won yard of the month for our neighborhood last August! See?

So since some people put cooking stuff on their blogs, I think I’ll do some gardening posts on mine. Friends often comment that they can’t seem to grow anything in their yards which always confuses me because there really isn’t much to what I do. However, I have come to realize that it has to be something you like to do. I enjoy it. I love planning out what to plant, seeing what will grow back from last year, shopping for things to try this year, and digging in the earth. My husband kids me that gardening is my excuse to play in the dirt! Kind of true – I don’t wear gloves and by the time I have everything planted, I’m pretty much caked in it!

So once a week or so, look for a gardening post along with some pictures. I’ll give you my tips that I have learned from my mom and my dad who learned from their moms and grandmothers. Yes, this love of mine is a tradition, one I am passing down as well.

I don’t try anything fancy, and I don’t have a lot of money to spend but I’ll keep on doing it as long as I get comments like this one from the Drewster who was helping water tonight:

“Mom, do you know why I love flowers?”

Why, baby?

“Because I love you.”

I love you too, baby.

Our family purchased a wii last month (more on this evil machine in a later post). The boys have gotten pretty good at some of the wii sports games, like bowling. So we decided it would be fun to go to a real bowling alley and try our luck there. We went Saturday evening, and we were all very excited! In the parking lot, my oldest exclaimed, “I’m so excited I think my tummy is going to burst!”

It didn’t take long for things to go downhill from there….

My boys soon discovered that “real life” bowling was harder than holding a remote in your hand and aiming it at the t.v. I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say there was lots of pouting and tears. So much for a fun outing with the fam…

We came back home, and I retreated to my flower beds in the backyard to also pout, thinking “way to go, Mom, great idea you had!” My husband, Ryan, comes up to me as I am watering with the hose and asks for a drink of water. Annoyed, I hand over the hose, impatiently waiting for him to get his drink and give me back the hose - BUT instead, he soaks me with water!! Well, that meant war! And thus ensued a mighty battle for charge of the hose in which no man, young or old, was left dry! We all went to bed with smiles on our faces.

He had saved the night. That one act of orneriness silliness had made things all better. And for that (and many other reasons) I love this man.

Spending a lovely evening at the park with family and friends, pushing my son in the swing, this thought came to me: “God, you are so pure.”

As I sat here at the computer, I began to wonder about what “pure” really means, how I would define that word. Webster helped with these thoughts: “unmixed with any other matter”; “free from harshness or roughness and being in tune”; “containing nothing that does not properly belong.”

And I think that is what I felt tonight, being “in tune” with Him, His love, His character. I want to be “unmixed with any other matter”; not bothered by that which does not matter, not mixed up with things that do “not properly belong.” That is what He is. Tonight, I knew it within me - and I am thankful.

Did you choose your career or did your career choose you? Did you fall into something you love or did you pursue a love? Or do you even remotely like what you do?

It can be a hard balance, enjoying your work and yet not letting it define you. I knew even before I finished high school that I wanted to be in a helping profession. At first I thought I’d be a psychologist. But towards the end of my college years, I realized that psychology meant a lot of research work, something I did not enjoy at all. I did end up with a B.A. in psych, but then found out that a Masters in Social Work would lead to me what I really wanted to do which was still to help people. God showed me early on that I was intended for this work.

I have been so blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom, another thing I chose to do on purpose. As soon as I became pregnant with my first born, I let my supervisor know that I would not be coming back once he was born. And my boys remained by sole focus for over 5 years. Then in the fall of 2006, I felt a tug to re-include social work into my realm of focus. Once again, I felt God leading me, this time to a particular agency that I was familiar with and, with hardly an interview, I was hired. So for a year and a half now, I have been a group facilitator for parenting classes twice a week at this non-profit agency called Parent’s Assistance Center (Ryan is working on creating a website for them so I will point you to it once it is completed). But I still feel there is more for me there in the near future, though the details are yet to be known. I don’t think I can avoid it; something (or Someone) pulls me to do what I do.

Other areas of my life are not this clear. I struggle and debate with God and myself about many other things but this, this giving of hope to others, is crystal. Because it is an area that is so well-defined for me, I also sense the need to move cautiously so as to not put all of my energy and focus into this one area of my life. I don’t want to avoid the things that are not so clear. I don’t want the title of “Social Worker” to become my main source of identity. My relationship with Jesus and with my family are my first priorities – always. But how to live that out is the question, isn’t.

How do we balance the many areas of life that require our focus? How do you do it?

Kind of interesting - I wrote this post about 3 weeks ago - but my friend Jimmy has a similar post today on his blog. Go check out his thoughts.